So April flew by! So much happened, so much joy, so much laughter, but also so many tears and doubts. However through it all the Lord’s presence has been evident. This may be a longer update so be prepared to read haha!
What the Lord has been teaching me:
The begging of this month was the Lord reminding me that I was created to dwell with Him, a simple phrase with so much depth. To dwell means to pause in motion, live, delay and stay. This means that I was literally made to delay and stay in His presence. I was created to be connected to the creator, that is a wonderfully complex thing the Lord continues to unpack to me daily. To live a life of dwelling is to live a life beholding and living in the Glory of the Jesus.
Later in the month I was hit with the anxieties that are coming as the Race approaches. Not just leaving and fundraising but also with the wide complexities of emotions. As I began to think, I realized every area of many life is in some way tied into the race. I soon realized that this is the first time in my life I have had to be fully dependent on the Lord. In fundraising, finances, the future after the race, being gone, preparation, relationships; the list goes on. While I have always known surrendering and being fully depends on the Lord was the right thing and good thing to do. It is a lot easier to know it’s the right thing to do than be in a position where its the only option. But I have slowly been realizing as the days go on and the Lord continues to show up that this is a beautiful place to be. Never before have I been forced to be fully dependent and it has honestly been extremely hard. There have been many tears; but in every hard moment Jesus has come so close and showed me more of His heart.
Being in this place of desperation and dependency has given me a new understanding of God as a Father and a comforter. He comes near and delights in me even when I feel like all I have to offer Him is my tears. And truthfully this has been all I’ve had. But in my tears and vulnerability I have gotten to know the presence of Jesus like never before. And if nothing else good came of the race( which I know more will come because the Lord is SO faithful and I am expectant for more! Glory to Glory!! ) then it would have all been worth it all for the way I understand God’s tender heart as a father who comes near and abides in me, even when all I have to bring is tears and brokenness.
In this time of I have been clinging to Luke 12, Romans 8, and Psalm 24 and 27, and Matthew 25. These chapters have been what the Lord has been using to ground me and remind me He is the provider, He is the father and I get to walk in the fullness of sonship, He comes in when we invite Him, He is the one found worthy, He allows me to dwell an abide, and as we dwell and abide the cry of “come Lord Jesus” arises in my spirit. There is so much depth to the Lord and I am falling in love with Him like never before.
Prayer Request: I leave exactly 4 months from today!!! August 30th is approaching so quickly, with this there is a lot to do! Please be in prayer that as the to do list grows I would not be overcome by anxiety. Rather that I would allow my discomfort to take me into greater depths of intimacy with the Lord that I would otherwise not experience.
As the Race is coming quickly so are the distractions and spiritual attacks. If ever there was a time to be rooted in Jesus it is now. I ask that you also pray for persevere in the challenges.
Fundraising Update:
60% funded hallelujah! HE IS SO FAITHFUL!! I am only in need of $7,800! As the donations come in I am continually in awe. Never before have I known the Lord as more of a provider than I do now! With this I ask that you continue to spread the word and invite people to partner with this mission to take the gospel to the nations!
I pray that in all of this Jesus will be the one glorified. I pray many come to know the depth, fullness, and simple yet complex of the Heart of the father. He is worthy of it all. May Jesus receive the reward of His sufferings. I love you all dearly, thank you for your faithfulness and support as the body of Christ.
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